The Dirty Santa gift exchange is “dirty” because the rules of the game require participants to steal each other’s gifts. There’s another meaning to the word, of course: titillating, naughty, related to sex, lewd, even obscene. No, you wouldn’t bring these naughty gag gifts to your office Christmas party, and you would also spare your family members from them. But they’re the best Dirty Santa gifts to spice up the Christmas gift exchange party with your friends.
A naughty White Elephant or Dirty Santa party is a great holiday activity for your group of favorite girlfriends, your Fantasy Football league, or perhaps your more liberal-minded friends.
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Boobs: Breasts Make the Best Dirty Santa Gifts
Naked Lady-Shaped Beer Glass
If it isn’t obvious from his belly, Dirty Santa loves beer. And, being a dirty old man, he loves to drink it from a naked lady-shaped glass. Poor guy, he rarely gets any anymore, so he seeks help wherever he can find it. What a boob.
(He drinks spirits from an equally curvaceous shot glass, but the idea is the same: to get trashed.)
This gift is perfect for your lady-loving, beer-drinking White Elephant gift exchange guests!
Breast Squeeze Ball
Squeezing a boob any time you want isn’t the brightest idea. Just ask Ben Affleck.
You can squeeze this breast squeeze ball not only any time but as many times as you want. It’s soft and rubbery and big, though perhaps NSFW even though the office is likely to be where you need it the most.
This take on the stress ball (stress boob, if you will) will liven up even the dullest Yankee Swap. You may find guests stealing like mad to get a chance at a grab. Watch out, this may lead to a drunken game of Boobyball, Dodgeboob, or even Capture the Boob.
Color Me Boobs
Coloring books for adults are all the rage, bringing grown-ass men and women back to their childhoods. The naughty ones among us will appreciate this boobs coloring book. Another way to de-stress with boobs! If you can’t get your hands on a pair of real boobs, at least you can color them on paper. Just stay between the lines.
Dirty Santa Loves ALL Butts and He Cannot Lie
3D Book of Butts
If two dimensions fail to satisfy your naughty cravings, the 3D Big Butt Book will come in handy. Quite literally: there’s nothing like browsing butts with 3D glasses and crossed legs while the rest of the party watches. We just know there is a butt man or woman on your Dirty Santa gift exchange list who will want to steal this book out of unsuspecting hands! No butts about it.
Farting Butt Bank
Who says saving isn’t fun? The person who doesn’t hear a fart every time they put a coin in their
butt piggy bank! The Farting Fanny Bank will show the humorless butts what it’s all a-butt. This gift is perfect for all the penny-pinching pervs in your White Elephant social circle. Bring this gift to your next White Elephant gift exchange, and we’ll bank on the party guests laughing their asses off.
Butt + Face = You and Everyone You Know
Step 1: Wash your face with a face soap and butt with a butt soap.
Step 2: Dry your face with a face towel and your butt with a butt towel.
That’s it. Now both your face and your butt are clean. If you don’t steal these gag Christmas gifts (best given as a set) at the next Dirty Santa gift exchange party, you’re a Butt Face.
See Dick Fun: Penis-Related Dirty Santa Gifts
Quit Bustin’ My Balls, Scratch ‘Em
Man has balls. Man’s balls itch. Man, whether he’s at a Dirty Santa party or at the office, resists the urge to shove his hand down there and scratch it. Man deploys a ball scratcher.
Wrapped in a tasteful package, this product may be called Gentleman’s Ball Scratcher, but you can use it to scratch anything within reach. As long as there’s an itch.
Have a Taste of These Balls
Why are balls so much popular than dicks? Because they’re made of meat. Like these apronesque meatballs you can flail around at your next Dirty Santa holiday gift exchange like you just don’t care. Which of course you don’t, since for you it’s a White Elephant party.
Kilty Pleasures, National Treasures
Sometimes it’s best to leave things to the imagination. Kilts are a fine example of that. What’s under the man skirt? What if the guy bends over? What’s the meaning of life?
Kilty Pleasures calendar to the rescue! Every month you get a different beefcake showing off a different tartan (or is it tartar? Once a Yankee Swap holiday gift exchange gets going, no pun is safe, or intended. Or is it indented?).
It is also true that the best Dirty Santa gifts, whether they’re naughty or nice, serve more than one purpose. Useful and fun is the name of the Dirty Santa game. So a gift that elicits chuckles from the party and tickles the imagination (or is it ivagination?) AND shows what day it is cannot be surpassed (or is is sur-assed? Gaaa…! Under the kilt no one can hear you scream…).
The Rest of the Best Naughty Dirty Santa Gifts
Eff You, Rain! Middle Finger Umbrella
Do you know what Yankee Swap party guests hate more than a boring gift? The rain! For your next Yankee Swap, bring a gift that tell the rain how you really feel. Flip the rain off with this tell-all umbrella.
It can also be used to flip the bird to birds who think your head is their personal toilet. You can place it strategically in the window the next time your neighbor blocks your driveway. Need to nap on the subway? Prop this open umbrella on your seat and send a clear message.
Porn for Women
It’s no secret that porn is directed to men. Only about 99.5 percent though. More and more porn is made with the woman in mind. Not that the women in your Dirty Santa gift exchange game for adults will throw themselves on the Porn for Women book but they’ll definitely want to see what’s inside.
Imagine their surprise when they open this book. It’s not the kind of “porn” that the title suggested! Psych!
Good Advice Can Lick You into Shape
…especially if it’s on her panties (or his, lingerie-loving men can wear panties too, Dirty Santa is cool like that). The pussy cat is just a nice added touch for those who appreciate cheap humor. Now off with these flirty panties and get her (or him) purring!
Dirty Minds Think Alike
Sometimes holiday gift exchange parties exhaust their potential and turn into orgies. Not your White Elephant gift exchange, you say? Try the Travel Dirty Minds Card Game and see if you can move things along at the holiday gift exchange. Innuendos, double entendres, puns…it’s all in there (that’s what she said) in this game.
She Said These Are the Best Dirty Santa Gifts
Speaking of, there’s now a That’s What She Said game. Yes, the now-obnoxious retort has its own game dedicated to it. We’ll just leave that right there for your White Elephant party guests to do as they please.
Also available: expansion packs!
Featured image by Dax Dover.